Diggings: Clunker not quite clunky enough

By Tim Trainor - 08/08/2009

I've got a real clunker, but not in the eyes of the federal government.

I'm driving a 1994 Chevrolet Corsica, which I bought from a grandma five years ago for $1,000 cash.

Back in 2006, on an icy road in the middle of a North Idaho snowstorm, I drove it off a cliff and flipped it into a snow bank, putting big dents in the roof and knocking out a windshield, among other relatively important things.

"What'd ya drive this thing into a swamp?" a mechanic asked me when I putted in the next morning with a few pounds of mud and snow on the seats.

A few days later I had the thing running, and it hasn't given me a problem since. Well, except that it is loud and dirty, the driver's side window doesn't roll down and the windshield wipers sometimes go on the fritz.

But I like the car. It's done me good.

Then the government said they'd give me $4,500 for it if I traded it in for a new one that gets better gas mileage. Now I know I couldn't sell that Corsica for $45, so I figured that was a great deal.

I started researching some rigs that might have windows that roll up on their own — and believe it or not — they got 'em.

A local dealer offered a ridiculously good deal in the newspaper this week and I called it up. It was nearly $10,000 off MSRP with the Cash for Clunkers discount.

"Only got one left, so hurry down," they said.

I did.

My credit checked out, the car was just what I was looking for, and everything was moving along swimmingly until they plugged in my Corsica to the government Web site. It spit out a big red X. The car didn't qualify for Cash for Clunkers because, back in 1994 when it rolled out of the factory, it got 2 mpg better than the federal government would allow to be traded in.

Heartbroken, I was. My clunker just wasn't clunky enough.

"I could take a hammer to it," I said, helpfully.

But, it didn't matter. There was nothing they could do.

I don't want to be a spoilsport. The program has certainly moved cars, and in that vein it has to be viewed as a success. More than 200,000 people have already taken advantage of the program, which spiked new car sales last month for the first time in more than a year.

The concept is good too. Getting more fuel-efficient vehicles off the lot and onto the road is good for both the economy and the Earth.

My attempt to stimulate both, however, will have to wait.

Sorry economy. Sorry Earth.

— Reporter Tim Trainor may be reached via e-mail at tim.trainor@lee.net or call 496-5519.