Always remember: Literacy is your friend

By Joe Barnhart - 09/04/2008

A while back, a New York Times front-page headline asked, "Literacy Debate: Online, R U Really Reading?" Astutely put — but what else would you expect from professionals who routinely hail taxicabs driven by carbon-based lifeforms keenly able to confuse "literacy" with a street off Brooklyn Queens Expressway right next to Linden Hill?

What is literacy in this fast-paced, digital world? Some espouse that the printed word stimulates the mind more effectively than, say, typing in "cheat" codes for the video game, "Call of Duty V: The Toilet Gets Clogged." Others say surfing the Internet, gleaning information from potential sleazebags with horny toad personal hygiene habits, is the way of the future.

Regardless, literacy authorities point to reading and writing as essential to brain development — explaining why mine is a Cro-Magnon variety. I spent excess time in the rebellious '60s glued to a TV watching vixens like the blond bombshell Ginger on Gilligan's Island. Who had time to read a book?

The written word moves us beyond communication dilemmas cavemen suffered. They'd crudely scratch safety stick-figure warnings on rocks, where today's products clearly describe hazards. My wife's curling iron cautions, "For external use only!" Try drawing anatomically correct stick figures to communicate that.

In medieval times, written communication was a laborious task. Products bore no labels except an occasional mead jug warning, "Caution: Consumption may cause you to think you're invisible." Today's labels make products safer. Like a dog shampoo bottle stating, "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." Obvious? I think not.

Being able to decipher the written word is an essential survival skill. Why else would you find, "Do not eat toner" on a printer toner cartridge? I guess malnourished staffers were standing around a water cooler asking, "Anyone want some fresh magenta?" Even domestic pets run a risk without this thoughtful microwave caution, "Do not use for drying pets." Not a helpful message if you own an adult Rottweiler.

Reading opens a world of unbelievable phenomenon exemplified by presidential quotes — this one of Bill Clinton is priceless, "When I was in England, I experimented with mari-juana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale and never tried it again." Or, a George W. Bush classical rambling, "And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." Audiences pay big bucks at comedy clubs for this stuff.

Literacy helps us gain a greater appreciation for life by reflecting on philosophic messages stuck to the back of cars, such as: