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Navigate the marriage divide
By Mark de la Vina, of The San Jose Mercury News - 11/17/2007
Singles and their married friends still have their share of differences more than 10 years after Helen Fielding’s novel ‘‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’’ described the more humorous side of the cultural chasm. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Here are some tips from relationship experts to help singles and their married friends play nice:
It’s hard to be alone, and it’s hard to be in a relationship. Each situation requires a different kind of effort. Cut the other side some slack. If you are married, try to remember what you had to endure when you were single. If you are single, imagine the new, unexpected challenges your married friends are having to deal with.
Keep in mind that some single people choose to be single. It’s not wrong, aberrant, immature or commitment-phobic. Sometimes, it’s nothing more than an alternative.
Bear in mind that smugness on the part of the recently married might be a phase. Just as someone can suddenly fancy himself an expert on single-malt scotch or Mongolian throat-singing after reading a few magazine articles, recently wedded people can think of themselves as relationship experts because of their new status. If it is indeed a phase, give it time to pass.
If you’re single, don’t assume your married friends are being smug. Something else might be at play. Consider a candid conversation that isn’t accusatory.
If you’re married, remember that asking your spouse to be your partner, lover, handyman, interior decorator, gardener, cook and best friend is perhaps asking too much. Relying on a spouse as a complete support system is unrealistic. Try to look at single friends not as a threat but as a potentially valuable part of that support network.
At the end of the day, spending time with people who appreciate and support you is the way to go. If someone in your life isn’t doing that, consider limiting your time with them.
— Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services
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